Self-awareness and self-management are two pillars of emotional intelligence that serve as the bedrock for personal growth and effective interpersonal relationships. They have intertwined capabilities that enable individuals to understand and regulate their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in pursuit of their goals.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is a foundational skill that involves being conscious of your internal state, preferences, resources, and intuition. It manifests as an understanding of one's emotional landscape - recognizing one's emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and values, and how these influence actions and interactions. This deep introspection allows individuals to understand their strengths and weaknesses, contributing to a more authentic and aligned existence. Notably, self-awareness isn't just about understanding oneself but also involves being aware of how others perceive one
.
Characteristics of Self-Awareness include:
Reflective Thinking: Regularly reflecting on one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Emotional Intelligence: Recognizing and understanding one's emotions and their effect on others.
Self-Confidence: A clear understanding of one's inner worth and capabilities.
Self-Management
Following self-awareness, self-management is about taking responsibility for one's behavior and well-being. This includes managing one's emotions, particularly in stressful situations, displaying resilience, remaining flexible, and steering oneself towards positive outcomes. Effective self-management enables individuals to exhibit self-control, work within their ethics, and remain dedicated to continuous personal improvement.
Characteristics of Self-Management include:
Impulse Control: The ability to delay gratification and think before acting.
Responsibility: Being accountable for personal actions and understanding their impact on others.
Goal Achievement: Setting and working persistently towards personal and professional goals.
Self-awareness and self-management lay the groundwork for building strong interpersonal relationships, making ethical decisions, and leading a balanced, fulfilling life.
In Practice:
Individuals with high self-awareness might recognize when they are feeling stressed and understand how stress affects their interaction with colleagues. Coupled with self-management, they would then employ strategies to manage this stress appropriately, ensuring it doesn't negatively impact their work or relationships. This might involve taking a short break, practicing mindfulness, or re-evaluating their workload and setting more realistic deadlines where possible.
Beyond Facts of Self-Knowledge and Emotional Mastery
Life's decisions are like threads in a tapestry. It’s part logic, part emotion, completely human. Some threads are chosen for their color—the factual knowledge we accumulate—they're the "should-dos" lined up neatly in rows. Then there are the threads we choose because of their texture—the self-knowledge and emotions—those are the "must-dos," the ones that knot in our throats and make our fingers tremble.
Good Choices Aren't Always Clear, Straight Lines
Take Rachel, a neighbor of mine, who was deciding whether to invest her savings into a house or to use it to travel the world. She could list the economic benefits of real estate versus the cost of travel, the stability versus the uncertainty, and the expected versus the unknown. Yet, after every spreadsheet and long conversation, Rachel would go for a walk and find herself lingering before the travel section at the bookstore.
Her practical side was locked in a tug-of-war with her wanderlust until she asked herself why she was considering the house in the first place. It wasn't her dream; it was the dream she thought she was supposed to have. I think we've all faced a Rachel moment where what looks good on paper doesn't quite feel right in our hearts.
When Your Emotions Join the Board Meeting
It was like watching Alex debate whether to take a promotion that would mean more money but less time with his family. Logically, the promotion was a no-brainer, but emotionally, watching his daughter's first soccer game and reading bedtime stories was non-negotiable. It was like every part of him that laughed and cried and loved was shouting over the calm, collected spreadsheet figures. And sometimes, we're all a bit like Alex.
Our emotions can be inconvenient in a culture that prizes data-driven decisions. But they exist as our most personal consultants, whispering truths about who we are and what makes us tick. Emotions aren't just noise; they're signals, revealing what we value most when we strip away the expectations.
The Symphony of Self in Decision-Making
Echoing within the halls of each decision we face is a rhythm, unique as a fingerprint—a symphony of self. It's where every fact and figure meets the eye of our storms, where fear dances with hope, and where self-knowledge forms the melody that sings, "This is who I am."
The Mosaic of Decision-Making
I'll leave you with this—each decision we make is a piece of a larger mosaic. A mosaic that is our life. You can look at it through a magnifying glass, analyzing each fragment for its rational beauty, or you can step back and see the whole picture for its emotional resonance.
In the grand gallery of existence, our decisions, the big and the small, the rational and the emotional, the expected and the surprising, come together in a profoundly unique display. They narrate a story—a human story—one where every single choice is embodied with our spirits and our truth.
So next time you find yourself standing at the precipice of a new decision, take comfort in knowing that the real answer often lies in the unspoken language of your inner world. Acknowledge the facts, yes, but don't be afraid to listen—to really listen—to the softer human whispers that guide your path. They do more than just speak; they sing of who you are and all the wonders you have yet to be.
Self-Awareness First Then Self-Management
Instead of looking at self-awareness and self-management as apart from each other, my conviction is it takes awareness to be cultivated before management can be effective.
From my own struggles regulating my emotions, I realised that learning about emotional literacy and then practicing an awareness of how my body reacts when emotions arise and being curious about the story, impulse and purpose of the emotion is the foundation. Managing my mental and emotional state is a skill which is built upon the practice of understanding and accepting the wisdom that comes through our experience of an emotion.
This is why we partnered with The School of Emotions and actively promote Emoli Cards on our website. In particular the feelings chart of 67 emotions is enhanced with colour coded categories informing the purpose of each group of emotions in the Emoli Card Diagram.
Emoli Cards are a great way to build emotional literacy as each card provides a narrative of the emotion, its impulse and a deeper purpose. This helps in meaning making and brings about wider perspectives, usually open up opportunities to reframe uncomfortable experiences and invites feelings of curiosity and hope into an otherwise difficult moment.
Self Awareness Vs Self Management
The fixers and do-ers in us tend to rush into managing our state of being when a situation deviates from what is expected or normal for us. This process skips past the awareness stage if we do not retrospectively reflect and contemplate.
Worst yet, we tend to judge and blame ourselves or others and that leads to yet another lost opportunity to understand what the emotions we experience are trying to tell us.
Hence, I am an advocate of gaining self awareness but it is not a choice between which should come first (although I do recommend consciously building on awareness as a foundation first). Both are important and they are intertwined.
If you do have a habit of self-care, emotional regulation yet run repeating belief scripts that may not be serving your best interests, then try building up an understanding of your emotion(s) and describe how best you can make meaning from the experience in a constructive way.
The Emoli Cards are a great way to learn emotional literacy and develop self-awareness. Here's a template you could use in your own self-reflection or journaling practice.
Navigate your emotions and build awareness through Emoli Cards and Emotions Based Coaching. Find out more about our Emotions Based Coaching Bundle.
Conclusion:
Both self-awareness and self-management are critical for personal development and success. They not only enhance one's quality of life but also improve interactions and relationships with others. Cultivating these skills requires intentionality and practice but the benefits, as highlighted in the resources provided, are profound and wide-reaching.
Comments