The Story of Envious: Understanding the Desire for What Others Have
- TFH
- Mar 18
- 9 min read
Updated: Mar 19
The Emotions Library project is a collection of stories about the emotion(s) we experience. Stories bring meaning and clarity, helping us understand our emotions better. We do this so everyone can access knowledge, gain emotional literacy, and develop self-awareness.
Experiencing envy informs us that there are unmet desires or needs in our lives. It often signals a longing for something we feel is missing, such as success, validation, connection, or recognition. Rather than being a purely negative emotion, envy can serve as a reflection of our inner aspirations. It encourages us to examine what we truly want and what might be hindering our growth. By acknowledging envy without judgment, we can use it as an opportunity for self-reflection, motivating us to focus on our unique path, celebrate others’ success, and work toward fulfilling our desires.
Story: Desiring what someone else has.
Impulse: Compare yourself or seek what you desire.
Etymology: From Latin invidere, meaning to look upon with envy.
Purpose: Envy highlights unfulfilled desires or ambitions.
Emotional Regulation and Journaling
In partnership with Calm3D, we provide a safe space for self-regulation, to feel peace, safety and security. At the same time, reflect on your own emotional experience and experience your envious story.
Visit www.playcalm3d.com as you reflect and experience peace as you contemplate the emotions within you.
Reflective Questions
1. What unmet need is driving your envy?
2. How can you celebrate others' success while working toward your own?
3. What would help you focus on your unique journey?
Desiring What Someone Else Has
Envy is a powerful emotion. It has the potential to stir us into comparison, triggering a desire for what others seem to possess. Whether it's someone's career, relationship, lifestyle, or achievements, envy can creep in when we feel like we're lacking something in our own lives. But what is envy, and how can we deal with it in a healthy, reflective way?
Michelle had always taken pride in her garden. It was her sanctuary—a place where she could lose herself in the vibrant colors of her flowers and the sweet scents that filled the air. She spent hours tending to her plants, nurturing each one with love and care. Every year, her garden blossomed into a beautiful display of life, and she couldn’t wait to share it with her friends and family. But this year, something was different.
One afternoon, while she was tending to her roses, Michelle’s neighbour, Olivia, stopped by to chat. Olivia had recently moved into the house next door, and over the past few months, Michelle had come to admire her bright smile and friendly nature. Olivia had always been warm and welcoming, but Michelle hadn’t expected the one thing that caught her eye that day: Olivia’s garden.
Michelle paused, the pruners still in her hand, as she took in the sight of Olivia’s flowers. They were stunning—more vibrant, more carefully arranged, and more diverse than anything Michelle had ever seen. There were lilies, tulips, and even a small patch of sunflowers that towered over the rest of the garden. The plants seemed to glow under the soft afternoon sun as if they were a painting brought to life.
Michelle felt a knot form in her stomach. For the first time in years, her prideful heart twisted with envy. How did Olivia manage to grow such a garden so quickly? she wondered. I’ve been working on mine for years, and yet, hers is already perfect.
Envy is often sparked when we see someone enjoying something that we wish we had—whether that’s their success, possessions, appearance, or even a specific talent. It can feel like a rush of longing, mixed with a little bit of frustration or even resentment. It’s human to desire things that others have, but envy can sometimes spiral into an unhealthy fixation if we let it consume us.
Olivia caught Michelle’s gaze and smiled. “You know, I’ve been reading up on gardening techniques. It’s all about the soil and the right balance of sunlight,” she explained casually. “I’d love to share some tips if you’re interested.”
Michelle forced a smile, but inside, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something in her heart had shifted. Her garden, once her pride and joy, now seemed insignificant in comparison to Olivia’s. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Michelle thought, Why didn’t I try different flowers or techniques? Her mind raced with questions, each one deepening the pit of envy that had formed.
The Impulse: Comparison and the Drive to Seek
One of the most common reactions to envy is the impulse to compare ourselves to others. The question arises: Why don’t I have what they have? This can lead to either a desire to mimic their actions or outcomes or to compete with them for the same things. Unfortunately, comparison often only leaves us feeling worse about our own situation, creating a cycle of dissatisfaction. The more we focus on others, the more we forget to value what makes our journey unique.
Over the next few weeks, Michelle found herself obsessively comparing her garden to Olivia’s. She spent countless hours researching new plants, adjusting her soil, and trying different methods—yet no matter how hard she tried, her garden still didn’t measure up to Olivia’s flawless display. Every time she saw Olivia’s flowers in full bloom, it only fueled the growing resentment in her heart.
The Origins of ‘Envious’
The word "envy" comes from the Latin word invidere, meaning “to look upon with envy.” The root of the word emphasizes the act of looking or gazing—suggesting that envy arises when we focus too much on what others have rather than looking inward and nurturing our desires and needs. This subtle shift in focus can help us turn envy from something destructive into an opportunity for growth.
One evening, as Michelle watered her plants, Olivia came over again, this time with a basket of freshly picked flowers. “I thought you might like these,” she said, offering the bouquet with a warm smile.
Michelle’s heart sank. She smiled tightly, but the jealousy gnawed at her. How could she be so effortless, so perfect? Michelle wondered. She felt the weight of her envy pressing down on her chest. Maybe if I just keep working harder...maybe if I just try more, I can be as good as her.
Purpose of Envy: Highlighting Unmet Desires
Interestingly, envy can serve a purpose when we take the time to reflect on its deeper meaning. Rather than simply feeling bad about ourselves, envy can point to unfulfilled desires or ambitions that we might not be fully aware of. Perhaps we're envious of someone’s career because it highlights a deeper need for recognition or growth in our own professional life. Or we may envy someone’s relationship because we long for more connection or companionship. Understanding the unmet need behind our envy can help us address the core of the feeling instead of getting stuck in surface-level comparisons.
But as she stood there, holding the bouquet, something inside Michelle shifted. She looked at Olivia—her genuine kindness, her generosity, her warmth—and realized that Olivia’s success wasn’t a reflection of her failure. Olivia wasn’t trying to outdo her; she was simply sharing what she loved. Michelle had been so focused on comparing herself to Olivia that she had forgotten the true joy of gardening—the peace and fulfillment it brought her. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about the love and care she put into each plant, regardless of how it compared to anyone else’s garden.
Emotional Literacy: Understanding the Roots of Envy
To better understand and process envy, it's essential to build emotional literacy—the ability to identify, understand, and express our emotions in healthy ways. Envy often stems from a place of dissatisfaction or insecurity, but it’s important to recognize that it's not a negative emotion in itself. It’s a signal. Emotional literacy allows us to differentiate between the emotion we’re experiencing and the actions we might take based on it.
When you feel envious, take a moment to acknowledge the emotion. Ask yourself: What is the root cause of my envy? It might not always be about what’s directly in front of you. Sometimes, envy can stem from deeper feelings of inadequacy, fear, or self-doubt. Acknowledging and labelling these emotions instead of acting on them impulsively can prevent us from taking harmful actions or spiralling further into negative self-talk.
Building emotional literacy also means learning to process envy without shame. It’s okay to feel envious—it’s part of being human. What matters is how you choose to respond to it. With awareness and self-compassion, you can transform envy into motivation for personal growth, rather than letting it fester into resentment.
Reflective Questions
If you find yourself feeling envious, it might help to ask yourself a few key questions to get to the heart of the emotion:
What unmet need is driving your envy?
Take a moment to think about what is truly behind your feelings of envy. Are you seeking validation? Desiring success? Longing for connection? Understanding the deeper need can help you take steps toward fulfilling that desire in a way that works for you.
How can you celebrate others' success while working toward your own?
It can be difficult to celebrate someone else’s achievements when you feel left behind, but shifting your mindset can transform envy into inspiration. Try reframing envy as an opportunity to learn from others and to root for their success. In turn, this can motivate you to pursue your dreams with greater determination.
What would help you focus on your unique journey?
Remember that everyone’s path is different. Instead of comparing, reflect on what makes your journey unique. What personal strengths, passions, or experiences can you tap into to build a life that feels meaningful to you? Focusing on your own growth and progress can help you feel more fulfilled and reduce the power of envy.
That night, Michelle sat in her garden and took a deep breath, letting the familiar scent of her flowers fill her lungs. She realized that her garden was beautiful in its own way, and it had taken years of her care and patience to get it to this point. It didn’t need to look like anyone else’s. It didn’t need to be perfect. It was hers.
The next time Olivia came by, Michelle was ready. “Thank you,” she said, holding out her arms in appreciation. “Your garden is amazing, and I love the flowers you bring over. But I’ve realized something important. I’ve been so focused on comparing that I forgot why I started gardening in the first place. It’s not about having the best garden—it’s about enjoying the process and being present in it.”
Olivia’s eyes lit up. “I’m glad you feel that way. Gardening is about what brings you peace. And hey, we can always share tips and ideas. We’re all learning together.”
Michelle smiled for real this time, feeling a sense of relief she hadn’t realized she needed. She wasn’t in competition with Olivia; she was on her journey, and that was enough. With a heart full of gratitude, Michelle went back to her garden, no longer burdened by envy but inspired by the possibility of growth—not just in her plants, but in herself.
Turning Envy Into Empowerment
Envy, when acknowledged and understood, can serve as a powerful tool for personal growth. Rather than letting it take over and create negativity, use it as an opportunity to reflect on what you truly want out of life. By asking the right questions and shifting your perspective, envy can become a stepping stone toward self-awareness and success.
Remember: Everyone’s journey is different, and you are on your unique path. Rather than measuring your worth against someone else’s accomplishments, celebrate the small victories that are part of your own story. Your journey is worth more than any comparison.
Final Thoughts
Envy is a natural emotion that can often feel uncomfortable or unsettling, but it holds valuable lessons if we choose to listen. Instead of allowing it to lead us into unhealthy comparison or resentment, we can use envy as a mirror to understand our own desires and aspirations. It helps us uncover what we may be lacking or longing for, whether it’s growth, recognition, or connection.
The key is to embrace this emotion with curiosity, rather than judgment. By recognizing what envy reveals about us, we can channel it into positive actions—shifting our focus back to our own journey, celebrating others' achievements, and working towards our personal growth. Ultimately, envy is not something to fear or suppress, but a tool that can guide us toward a more fulfilled and self-aware life.
To deepen this awareness, tools like Emoli Cards offer valuable insight into what is truly driving our emotions. They help us recognize patterns, understand whether our feelings are temporary reactions or signals pointing to unmet needs, and bring clarity to our emotional experiences.
When we pair this emotional awareness with the ability to fully immerse ourselves in meaningful activities, we become more attuned to our inner world and the moments that bring us true fulfillment. If ever the balance between focus and emotional well-being feels overwhelming, an Emotions-Based Coaching session can provide the deeper guidance needed to process our feelings with clarity, fulfillment, and intentional action.
The next time you feel a pang of envy, pause and reflect. What is it about this person or achievement that stirs something in you? Is it a sign of an unspoken desire, a dream waiting to be pursued? Instead of letting envy consume you, use it as a guide—an invitation to explore what truly matters to you and how you can take steps toward it.
Envy isn’t just longing—it’s insight. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and let it fuel your own growth and aspirations.
Comentarios