The Emotions Library project is a collection of stories about the emotion(s) we experience. Stories bring meaning and clarity, helping us understand our emotions better. We do this so everyone can access knowledge, gain emotional literacy, and develop self-awareness.
Experiencing dejection informs us about the vulnerability and impermanence of our emotional states. It serves as a reminder that failure and rejection are natural parts of life, not definitions of our worth or abilities. Dejection signals that something has not gone as planned, but it also presents an opportunity for reflection and growth. It teaches us the importance of emotional literacy—understanding and processing our feelings without judgment—and highlights the need for emotional support from others.
Story: Feeling downhearted after experiencing failure or rejection.
Impulse: Withdraw or seek reassurance.
Etymology: From Latin deicere, meaning to throw down.
Purpose: Highlights the need for emotional support and renewed effort.
Emotional Regulation and Journaling
In partnership with Calm3D, we provide a safe space for self-regulation, to feel peace, safety and security. At the same time, reflect on your own emotional experience and experience your story of dejection.
Visit www.playcalm3d.com as you reflect and experience peace as you contemplate the emotions within you.
Reflective Questions
1. What support do you need to lift your spirits?
2. How can you practice self-compassion in this moment?
3. What small step can you take to regain your motivation?
Feeling Downhearted After Experiencing Failure or Rejection
The rain fell in heavy, unrelenting sheets, tapping against the windowpane as Oscar sat at his desk, staring at the glowing screen of his laptop. He had been at this for hours—typing, deleting, typing again. The words didn’t come easily today. The ideas that had once flowed like a steady stream now felt like a distant memory, as though they had evaporated in the fog of disappointment that seemed to hang over him.
The rejection email still lingered in his inbox, a constant reminder of the dream he had poured himself into for months. His application for the writing fellowship had been rejected. The email was kind, even complimentary, but the words “unfortunately, we have decided to move forward with other candidates” felt like a punch to the gut. It wasn’t the first rejection Oscar had faced in his career, but this one felt different. This one felt like a final verdict.
Oscar leaned back in his chair, running his hands through his damp hair. The weight of dejection pressed down on his chest, making it hard to breathe. He felt defeated, as though the very foundation of his purpose had been ripped out from under him. The world outside seemed as gray and endless as the fog that enveloped his thoughts.
He had the impulse to retreat—to withdraw from everything and everyone. To lock himself away in his apartment to avoid facing the reality that he wasn’t good enough. His phone sat on the desk, within arm’s reach, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He didn’t want to hear words of encouragement or sympathy. They wouldn’t change anything. The rejection still stung, and no amount of kind words could remove the hurt.
It was only when the doorbell rang that Oscar stirred, as though the sound had broken through the fog in his mind. He didn’t expect anyone to. He had isolated himself for weeks, not wanting to engage with the world while he focused on his writing. But when he opened the door, there stood his older sister, Lara, holding a steaming mug of tea.
"I thought you might need this," Lara said gently, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. She didn’t ask if everything was okay; she could tell just by the look in Oscar’s eyes. She had seen that look before—the hollowed-out, defeated gaze of someone who had been knocked down by life.
Oscar tried to smile but failed. “I didn’t get it,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “The fellowship. I didn’t get it. I don’t know if I have the strength to keep going.”
Lara placed the tea on the desk, sitting beside her brother. "I’m so sorry, Oscar. I know how much you wanted this. But that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It doesn’t mean your writing isn’t worth sharing. One rejection doesn’t define who you are or what you can achieve."
Tears welled in Oscar’s eyes. He hadn’t realized how badly he needed to hear those words until they came. Lara’s calm, steady presence was a lifeline in that moment. She had been knocked down, but now, with someone to lean on, Oscar could start to breathe again.
Impulse: Withdraw or Seek Reassurance
When feeling dejected, the instinct to withdraw from the world can be strong. We may want to retreat, to avoid further hurt, and to isolate ourselves from others in an attempt to shield ourselves from more rejection or failure. This impulse, though natural, can often lead to further isolation, reinforcing feelings of loneliness and hopelessness.
Alternatively, we may seek reassurance from others. We might reach out to family or friends, hoping they’ll tell us that we are still worthy, still capable. While seeking comfort from others is important, relying solely on external validation can be limiting. It can prevent us from developing the inner strength we need to overcome our challenges.
Oscar felt the pull of both urges—he wanted to withdraw, to shut himself off from the world, but Lara's presence was a reminder that support was still available if he allowed himself to open up. She wasn’t offering a quick fix or empty reassurances—she was simply there, offering quiet support. That was enough to help him start thinking about the bigger picture again.
The Origins of ‘Dejected’
The word dejection comes from the Latin word deicere, meaning "to throw down." This vivid imagery encapsulates the emotional experience: we often feel like we’ve been metaphorically "thrown down" by circumstances outside our control, leaving us feeling vulnerable and low. Whether it’s the sting of a rejected job application, a failed relationship, or the realization that our hard work hasn’t paid off, we can feel overwhelmed by the weight of disappointment.
In these moments, dejection makes us feel as though we’ve lost our footing, knocked off balance by events we didn’t expect or control. It’s a feeling of helplessness and confusion, where the energy to get back up seems out of reach. This emotional "throwing down" can leave us questioning our worth, causing us to wonder if we are capable or worthy of success at all.
But here’s the key: dejection is temporary. While it may feel overwhelming at the moment, it is not permanent. It’s a passing emotion, a natural part of being human, signaling that we’ve been affected by life’s unpredictable nature.
Purpose: Highlights the Need for Emotional Support and Renewed Effort
The purpose behind these moments of emotional struggle is vital. Dejection doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it’s usually a reaction to something that didn’t go as expected. But the true purpose of dejection is not to keep us stuck or overwhelmed. Instead, it is to invite us to reflect on our goals, our efforts, and our values.
Dejection can be a catalyst for renewed effort. While the feeling may initially make us want to withdraw, if we can face it head-on, we can begin to ask ourselves important questions: What is the deeper lesson here? What can I do differently next time?
Through dejection, we are called to practice resilience. We learn from our failures, reflect on the lessons they offer, and take small steps forward. It’s also an invitation to ask for support—both emotional and practical—from others who can help us find our way.
The ultimate purpose of dejection is growth. It forces us to take stock of what we value and what we want to achieve. It encourages us to refine our approach and renew our commitment to our goals. While rejection and failure may feel discouraging in the moment, they often set the stage for stronger, more focused action moving forward.
Emotional Literacy: Understanding the Feeling of Dejection
One of the most powerful tools we can use to navigate dejection is emotional literacy—the ability to recognize, understand, and healthily express our emotions. When we feel dejected, we often experience a mix of sadness, frustration, and confusion. However, these emotions can sometimes be overshadowed by feelings of shame or guilt, which further complicate our ability to process the experience.
Dejection, at its core, is a form of sadness and disappointment. It’s an emotional signal telling us that something didn’t go as planned. Developing emotional literacy allows us to understand this as a temporary state—not as something that defines our entire journey.
By identifying what dejection feels like and recognizing its layers (like frustration, sadness, and confusion), we can better separate it from more complicated feelings, like shame or self-criticism. This understanding makes it easier to navigate the emotions and respond with self-compassion, rather than self-judgment.
Furthermore, emotional literacy helps us see that dejection doesn’t make us weak or unworthy—it makes us human. Failure is a part of life, not a personal flaw. Learning to understand and express our emotions healthily is a critical skill in overcoming dejection.
Reflective Questions
As you process your feelings of dejection, consider the following reflective questions. These can guide you toward the support and actions that will help you regain your sense of purpose and motivation:
What support do you need to lift your spirits?
Reflect on the people or resources that have helped you in the past. Do you need a listening ear? A practical solution to a challenge? What form of support would help you feel seen and heard?
How can you practice self-compassion in this moment?
Think about how you can treat yourself with kindness right now. What would you say to a friend who was feeling just as you do? How can you offer yourself the same love and understanding?
What small step can you take to regain your motivation?
Consider setting a simple, achievable goal. Whether it’s as small as getting out of bed, taking a walk, or writing down one idea you still care about, these steps can create a sense of progress and hope.
Remember, dejection is not a permanent state. It is a part of the emotional ebb and flow of life. While it may feel all-consuming at the moment, it is possible to rise above it by acknowledging the feelings, seeking support, and taking small but deliberate steps toward reclaiming motivation.
In times of dejection, be kind to yourself. Reach out to others when needed, and remember that failure and rejection are not reflections of your worth but rather stepping stones on the path to something greater. You have the power to rise, stronger and wiser than before.
Take a deep breath, and remember that this moment will pass. Keep moving forward, one small step at a time.
Final Thoughts
If Oscar’s experience of dejection resonates with you, it may be a sign to deepen your emotional literacy and better understand the complexities of this challenging emotion. Dejection often signals the need to reflect on your values, goals, and how setbacks may shape your growth. It can be an invitation to practice self-compassion and resilience, reminding you that your worth is not defined by a single failure or rejection.
Tools like Emoli Cards can help you identify and express the layers of your dejection, allowing you to navigate this emotional state with greater clarity. By acknowledging and processing your feelings, you can gradually move through dejection with a sense of purpose and direction.
If you’d like personalized support, consider booking an Emotions-Based Coaching session. Together, we’ll explore how emotional awareness, mindfulness, and self-compassion can help you rise from dejection and renew your motivation. By tuning into your emotions with intention, you can regain confidence, strengthen your resilience, and take meaningful steps toward a brighter future.
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