The Emotions Library project is a collection of stories about the emotion(s) we experience. Stories bring meaning and clarity, helping us understand our emotions better. We do this so everyone can access knowledge, gain emotional literacy, and develop self-awareness.
Feeling conflicted is more than just struggling with a tough decision—it is an invitation to understand ourselves deeper. When we experience inner tension between opposing desires or values signals that something truly matters to us. Instead of seeing conflict as a burden, we can view it as a guide that reveals our priorities, fears, and unmet needs.
Conflict often arises at meaningful crossroads, where the choices before us have the potential to shape our future. It forces us to examine what we truly want versus what we feel obligated to do. The discomfort we feel isn’t random; it stems from deeper emotional needs—such as security, belonging, freedom, or growth. By identifying and exploring these feelings, we gain valuable insight into what is most important to us.
Rather than an all-or-nothing decision, conflict sometimes invites us to find a balance. There may be ways to honor both sides of the struggle, integrating different needs instead of choosing between them. The resolution doesn’t always happen instantly, but small steps can ease uncertainty and bring clarity.
Inner conflict is not a sign of weakness but a sign of self-awareness. It challenges us to pause, reflect, and align our choices with our deeper values. When approached with patience and curiosity, conflict can lead to more intentional and fulfilling decisions.
Story: Feeling torn between opposing desires or values.
Impulse: Delay action or seek resolution.
Etymology: From Latin conflictus, meaning struck together.
Purpose: Invites reflection on inner priorities and values.
Emotional Regulation and Journaling
In partnership with Calm3D, we provide a safe space for self-regulation, to feel peace, safety and security. At the same time, reflect on your own emotional experience and experience your story of conflict.
Visit www.playcalm3d.com as you reflect and experience peace as you contemplate the emotions within you.
Reflective Questions
1. What conflicting needs are you experiencing?
2. How can you honor both sides of this conflict?
3. What small step can bring you closer to resolution?
Feeling Torn Between Opposing Desires or Values
You stand at a crossroads, heart pulling in one direction, mind tugging in another. A decision looms, but no choice feels completely right. Maybe it’s a career move—security or passion? A relationship—stay or go? A personal goal—comfort or challenge? The weight of indecision presses down, leaving you restless, uncertain, and stuck.
Being conflicted isn’t just about making difficult decisions; it’s about navigating the emotional tension between competing desires or values. It’s a battle between what you want, what you need, and what you think you should do. Turmoil isn’t necessarily a sign that something is wrong—it indicates that something matters.
The Choice
Berting sat alone in his dimly lit apartment, his fingers tracing the rim of his coffee mug. The clock on the wall ticked steadily, but time felt frozen. He had spent the past three nights like this—staring at his phone, reading the same email over and over again. The subject line was simple:
“Exciting Opportunity – Offer Letter Attached”
The job offer was everything he had worked for. A prestigious company. A major salary increase. The chance to finally step out of his small-town routine and move to a bustling city where possibilities stretched as far as the skyline.
And yet, his chest ached at the thought of leaving.
His parents’ house was just fifteen minutes away. Sunday dinners with them had become a ritual. His best friend, Alex, lived down the street. They had spent years building a tight-knit circle of friends—bonfires in the backyard, impromptu road trips, quiet nights filled with laughter and the kind of comfort that only comes from knowing you belong.
If he left, he would be stepping into something unknown. A life full of ambition and challenge—but also loneliness. If he stayed, he would be surrounded by love—but was he settling?
He pressed his palms to his forehead, frustration tightening in his chest. Why does this feel impossible?
Impulse: Delay Action or Seek Resolution
Berting’s instinct was to delay. Every time he drafted his response to the job offer, he hesitated. He told himself he needed more time to think, but the truth was, he was afraid to choose.
When faced with inner conflict, the immediate impulse is often to freeze. You may procrastinate, hoping clarity will come with time. Or, you may feel pressured to choose quickly, just to escape the discomfort. Neither extreme necessarily leads to the best outcome.
Delaying action can be beneficial if used for self-reflection rather than avoidance. Sitting with the tension can reveal deeper insights into what truly aligns with your values. On the other hand, seeking a resolution too hastily may lead to regret if important aspects of the conflict are ignored. The key is to find a balance—giving yourself space to reflect while taking small steps toward clarity.
The Origins of ‘Conflicted’
The word conflict originates from the Latin conflictus, meaning "struck together"—a fitting metaphor for what happens internally when two opposing forces collide. Just as friction generates heat, inner conflict creates discomfort. However, it also creates energy, pushing us to confront our true priorities.
Berting felt this deeply. His heart and mind were locked in battle. Logic told him that the job was a rare opportunity, the kind of thing people dreamed about. His gut, however, whispered doubts—Would success mean anything if he had no one to share it with?
Purpose: Invites Reflection on Inner Priorities and Values
Inner conflict serves as a mirror, reflecting what we care about most. It invites us to ask: What truly matters to me? What am I afraid of losing? What am I trying to protect?
Berting closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had spent so much time trying to choose between staying and leaving that he hadn’t considered why this decision felt so overwhelming.
He pulled out his journal and started writing:
What do I truly want? Growth, adventure, and new experiences.
What am I afraid of? Losing the people he loved.
Is there a middle ground? Could he move away but still keep those connections alive?
For the first time in days, he felt a shift. Maybe this wasn’t about choosing one life over the other. Maybe it was about trusting that no matter where he went, he could create a home.
Emotional Literacy: Naming and Understanding Inner Conflict
To navigate inner conflict effectively, we must first understand the emotions tied to it. Often, we experience a mix of feelings—frustration, fear, guilt, excitement, or even grief. When we don’t take the time to name these emotions, they can cloud our judgment and make decision-making even harder.
Berting’s emotions swirled inside him, tangled and heavy:
Excitement at the possibility of something new.
Fear of stepping into the unknown.
Guilt at the thought of leaving people behind.
Doubt about whether he was capable of thriving in a new city.
Try asking yourself:
What emotions are present in this conflict? Are you feeling anxious about uncertainty? Guilty about a potential loss? Excited about a new possibility?
Where do these emotions come from? Are they rooted in past experiences, societal expectations, or personal values?
What is the most dominant emotion, and what is it trying to tell me? Sometimes, the loudest feeling points toward an unmet need or a hidden fear.
By increasing emotional literacy—our ability to identify and understand our feelings—we gain clarity. Instead of being consumed by the conflict, we can step back and see it for what it is: a signal that deeper reflection is needed.
Reflective Questions
1. What conflicting needs are you experiencing?
Berting realized he was craving both independence and connection. He wanted adventure yet feared uncertainty.
Ask yourself:
What am I being pulled toward?
What am I hesitant to let go of?
What fears or beliefs are influencing my struggle?
2. How can you honor both sides of this conflict?
Rather than treating this as a black-and-white choice, is there a way to integrate both aspects of the conflict?
Consider:
Is there a compromise that allows both needs to coexist?
Can you take a temporary step toward one side without fully committing?
What would it look like to reframe this conflict as an opportunity rather than a burden?
Berting realized he could take the job and keep his relationships strong through effort and intentionality.
3. What small step can bring you closer to resolution?
Taking even a tiny step—writing down your thoughts, having a conversation, or testing an option—can reduce the paralysis of indecision.
Berting picked up his phone and tapped out a message to Alex.
"Can we talk tomorrow? I think I know what I want."
He didn’t have every answer, but he had something better—a small step forward. And for now, that was enough.
Final Thoughts
Being conflicted is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you are engaged with your life and that you care deeply about your choices. Instead of seeing inner conflict as an enemy, consider it a guide—one that is nudging you toward a deeper understanding of yourself.
Resolution may not come instantly, but by leaning into the discomfort, honoring both sides and taking small steps forward, you’ll find clarity. And in that clarity, you’ll discover not just the right choice, but a stronger connection to your values and inner wisdom.
If Berting’s journey of navigating inner conflict and finding clarity resonates with you, consider strengthening your emotional literacy to better understand and respond to moments of uncertainty and self-discovery. Tools like Emoli Cards can help you identify and articulate the emotions behind difficult decisions, empowering you to approach choices with greater confidence and intention.
For personalized support, consider booking an Emotions-Based Coaching session. Together, we’ll explore how understanding and honoring your conflicting emotions can lead to greater clarity, self-trust, and fulfillment—all while staying true to your unique journey and values.
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