I used to think that working hard and going the extra mile would lead to success, but I learned the hard way that it doesn’t always work like that. For months, I found myself under a boss back in 2021 who was the very definition of toxic and a micromanager. And let me tell you—it was draining.
Reflecting on How to Protect Your Mental Health
Every day felt like walking on eggshells. No matter how well I did my work, it was never good enough. She would nitpick every little thing, sometimes even redoing my tasks without giving me a chance to fix them myself. Deadlines were always unrealistic, and if I didn’t meet them perfectly, I was called out in front of the team. To make matters worse, she expected us to be available around the clock—weekends, evenings, it didn’t matter.
Mistakes weren’t opportunities to learn—they were opportunities for her to belittle us. After a while, I started to lose confidence in my abilities. Even though I had always been a capable employee, I found myself second-guessing every decision. The constant pressure and lack of trust didn’t just impact my work—it killed my creativity and my sense of self-worth. That’s what happened to my sister with her recent boss.
The Breaking Point
I thought that if I just worked harder, my boss would eventually notice and back off. Spoiler alert: she didn’t. The more I gave, the more she demanded. My days blurred into late nights, and I started losing sleep. I could feel myself burning out, but I was too afraid to push back—worried that standing up for myself might make things worse.
Then came the day when, after being berated in a meeting for a minor mistake that wasn’t even my fault, I realized something had to change. I couldn’t keep living like this. The stress was starting to spill into my personal life, and I didn’t even recognize myself anymore—constantly anxious, on edge, and completely exhausted.
When my sister reached her breaking point, she went through something similar. She was nervous, worried about how her boss might react if she spoke up. But she eventually mustered the courage to take the step we had talked about—clarifying expectations with him. She approached him respectfully, asking for clearer instructions and guidance so she could better manage her workload and meet his expectations without feeling constantly overwhelmed.
I wish I could say this was the moment when everything improved. Unfortunately, that’s not how things went.
When she asked for guidance or tried to clarify the tasks he assigned, her boss got angry (annoyed). He said some unnecessary things to her, and just like that, she was fired. No warning, no discussion—just immediate dismissal.
I felt heartbroken for her.
Setting Boundaries: My Way Out
When I first decided to set boundaries, it wasn’t easy. I had convinced myself that doing so would make me seem lazy or uncommitted. However, I eventually realized that protecting my mental health was far more important than constantly overworking myself for someone who would never be satisfied.
Here’s what I did:
I clarified expectations. I started asking direct questions during meetings to make sure I understood exactly what my boss wanted from me. This helped cut down on the confusion that often led to unnecessary stress.
I prioritized my tasks. Instead of trying to do everything all at once, I focused on the most important projects and let her know what I was working on. This helped me avoid the constant shifting of priorities that was driving me crazy.
I communicated my needs. When the workload became too much, I spoke up. I told her when deadlines were unrealistic and asked for additional support when necessary. To my surprise, while she wasn’t happy about it, she eventually gave me some breathing room because I backed up my requests with logical explanations.
I took breaks. I started to respect my boundaries, even when she didn’t. I took my lunch breaks and stopped answering emails after hours unless it was an emergency. This small change made a huge difference in how I felt about my workday.
I sought support. I began talking to colleagues who were dealing with the same issues, and we started to support each other. Knowing I wasn’t alone helped me feel less isolated and gave me the courage to stand up for myself.
The Impact of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries didn’t magically fix the toxic work environment, but it gave me back my power. By taking control of how I approached my work and how I allowed myself to be treated, I started to rebuild my confidence. I felt less anxious and more focused, and I started to rediscover my creativity because I wasn’t constantly in survival mode.
The micromanagement didn’t completely stop, but I began to manage my response to it. I stopped allowing my boss's behavior to dictate my worth or how I felt about my work. I learned that it’s okay to say “no” and that my mental health matters just as much as my productivity.
The Takeaway
Working under a toxic, micromanaging boss is exhausting, and it can make you feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending loop of stress and self-doubt. But setting boundaries is a way to break free from that cycle. You don’t have to sacrifice your well-being to prove your worth.
When I worked for my previous boss, I didn’t initially realize how transformative it was to finally draw a line and communicate my needs. But when I started working under Coach Ignatius, I came to understand just how crucial mental health is.
That’s why I highly recommend Coach Ignatius’ Emotions-Based Coaching—a refreshing and accessible approach that helps you connect with your emotions on a deeper level. Using tools like Emoli Cards, Coach Ignatius guides you in exploring the stories behind your feelings, making it easier to uncover the root causes of your emotions.
He also integrates Calm3D, a personalized mood management tool, to further enhance the experience. It’s not just about feeling better—it’s about truly understanding what’s beneath the surface and finding a healthier, more balanced path forward.
Looking back, I wish I had set those boundaries sooner. If you’re in a similar situation, know this: your mental health is just as important as your job. You deserve to work in an environment where you’re trusted, respected, and able to grow. If that’s not your reality, it’s okay to set limits, push back, and protect yourself.
Trust me, your well-being comes first, and the moment you start setting boundaries, you begin to reclaim not just your work life, but your confidence and sense of self, too.
Reflections by Bev Cuayzon
Bev, a devoted mother at heart, finds joy in working from home. Balancing her roles as a travel consultant, self-published author, and SEO analyst, she's deeply passionate about sharing her knowledge to empower others, particularly fellow mothers. During her journey, Bev discovered the importance of mental wellness. She realized that maintaining a healthy mind is essential for navigating the demands of work, family, and personal pursuits. |
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