Feeling angry
I felt Anger approach with that look of resentment, a stern expressionless face. He looked uptight, like a kettle suppressing the steam as it boiled internally. I saw in his stride even though outwardly he spoke and gestured as though things were normal. He smiled at the guests around him, was patient as he spoke or when others asked for help with some of the chores. However, something just did not look right. He heaved deep breaths and would regularly go to a quiet spot to take a break, sit and close his eyes in silence. Others may think he was tired or simply meditating. But no, Anger was this manner as the calm is before the storm.
I observed him brooding all afternoon. Thankfully Love was feeling a little tired and wanted to find a companion to head out for a walk. She came like a refreshing afternoon tea, held Anger like a gentle young sibling would with an older brother and skipped into the garden. The change of environment clearly helped. I observed that he changed his state. Perhaps Anger was just seeking validation for the unrecognized help that he had been giving around the guest house. I did not ask that he helped out, but he often did. Perhaps Anger was simply unrequited Love, and that perhaps is why Love and Anger were close together since their childhood. Some guests would suggest that they had nothing in common though they were siblings, but at this moment, I could see their resemblance. That Anger and Love were almost like the same trait depending on how I perceived them.
This happened after I was spent. Tired from a Saturday of babysitting my two year old and then the Sunday morning was to be a packed day of chores because it rained on Saturday and our laundry was wet. Between cooking lunch for my son and doing laundry, I was boiling up inside. I could not understand why. Somehow during the journaling, it came to me that I was craving love and validation from my wife. We later discussed this as I shared what I wrote for her comment. She shared a piece of wisdom which cemented my inner wisdom's effort to steer me to see clearly the love for my wife. She says that anger allows the boundaries of love to be clearly demarcated. Once my love tank was depleted and I kept giving through acts of service, I crossed the boundary of love and grew in resentment. The presence of anger, is another perspective to validate the existence of love. In my case, I am blessed to feel angry because it means that I first loved, and had crossed into a boundary where anger resides and knew now how I could get back in line, and appreciate my family and to be loved.
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